Nagging Wife: Stop Badgering Your Husband
A nagging wife doesn’t help a relationship. To be fair, men also nag women and parents can nag kids. But I’ve decided to keep this post about what a husband and wife can do to bring nagging to a halt and avoid ruining their marriage.
First, here are a few notations on how to deal with a nagging wife biblically:
. . . a quarrelsome wife is as annoying as constant dripping – Proverbs 19:13
It’s better to live alone in the corner of an attic than with a quarrelsome wife in a lovely home – Proverbs 21:9
It’s better to live alone in the desert than with a quarrelsome, complaining wife – Proverbs 21:19
Have you noticed that it’s easier to point out another’s faults than see your own? However, nagging (constantly harassing someone to do something) is not the answer. Learn how to stop badgering your husband.
Signs of a Nagging Wife
My Mom nagged Dad because he cheated on her during their early years of marriage. And he beat her when intoxicated with alcohol. One of my earliest memories of my mother was seeing her face black and blue while she was seated at the kitchen table. I couldn’t have been more than three. That may be one of the reasons I wrote “Cheating Spouse Help Book for Christian Men“.
Mom definitely dealt with unresolved issues from her husband’s betrayals and unfaithfulness. She carried a lot of heartaches. I don’t know how she managed with all that and caring for 4 young children only 5 years apart in age.
Because I loved both parents, I felt sorry for my Dad. Nagging must have felt like being nibbled on slowly by a shark. As a child, there was no way I could understand the dynamics of what transpired between them. As an adult, I’ve looked closer at this habit to understand what fuels it.
- Nagging someone indicates that a person doesn’t measure up to your standards. If you nag, your goal is to change the other person to make your life easier. There’s one major problem with that logic. Only God can change someone else, not you.
- You can learn how to nag by being around someone who does. Because my Mom nagged Dad, I could do the same thing.
- Nagging can stem from a need to be in control when life isn’t the way you want it to be. Certainly, if you nag long and hard you’ll get results. Probably not. People long for respect from others, not condemnation.
Nagging Wife: How to Stop
One of the first signs that you nag your husband is that he shuts down and retreats from you. Prior to that, he may or may not have told you to stop badgering him. Do you tell your husband (not ask him) 5 times a day to take out the trash? Do you scold him like a child for not responding to your wishes (they’re commands if you nag)?
What was his response?
He tuned you out when he didn’t change the light bulb or forgot to water the garden (BTW that’s something you can do). So, now you nag more and get less from him. If God keeps dealing with you about this sin, try these suggestions.
- Submit to God: If you nag your husband, you probably aren’t happy with God either. Face who you’ve become and do something about changing. First, ask God for forgiveness and apologize to your husband for mistreating him.
- Make it a rule to only ask your husband once to help you. If he takes a week, then be happy with that. There’s a good chance when the nagging stops, he will help you immediately when asked.
- If you’re serious about not nagging your husband, stop cold turkey. Treat your husband the way you want to be treated. Accentuate his virtues and forget his faults. This means doing an about-face and asking God to change you. It’s important to get Him involved to make permanent changes.
- If you married your husband with the intention of changing him, that was a mistake. Telling him what to do and how to act never works. He won’t embrace his bride. He will create a shell and crawl into it because you sound like his mother. Here’s a secret.
Men love acceptance and admiration.
Nagging Wife: How to Stop Her Behavior
A husband resents being watched like a hawk and criticized for everything he does or doesn’t do. Some wives bring up their husbands’ past mistakes daily and may even go so far as shaming them in public (not a good idea).
- Firmly, lovingly and gently tell your wife that you won’t put up with her nagging. You love her but you want respect and you don’t plan to do anything for her as long as she’s disrespectful.
- Tell your wife that every time she nags, you will grab her hands and both of you will pray and ask God to intervene. If you are both Christians, resolve that you will find Biblical solutions to marital problems and communicate about issues.
- Do things for your wife that she didn’t ask you to do. Stick to your guns and don’t do the things she continues to nag you about. She will soon get the idea that nagging doesn’t work. Her deepest desire is to feel like she’s genuinely loved. Show her what real love is (God’s kind of love).
- Listen to what she nags about. There could be valid reasons for her discontent. Do you leave your socks for her to pick up or cook for your buddies and expect her to clean up your mess?
Concluding Advice for a Nagging Wife
Think about how God treats you to learn how to treat your husband. I love that God accepts me just as I am. He doesn’t harp all day long about my faults. His acceptance convinces me He really loves me.
Love can blossom and grow between a husband and wife when they aren’t smothered by nagging comments. See how quickly you can change your words from offputting to comforting and quieting. All things are possible WITH God.