How to Love the Unlovable
How to love the unlovable is something Christians struggle with frequently. A second concern is whether Christians should even have this problem. Maybe not, but they do.
Sometimes you don’t want certain people in your space. Why is that? Everything about them annoys you! At the same time, they may not like you either. Christians know God wants them to love people but they have a hard time generating genuine love for certain people.
Let’s be honest. The love your neighbor as yourself command trips up a lot of Christians. That’s especially true when you don’t like them. Obviously, I wouldn’t title this post, “How To Love the Unlovable”, unless I expected to delve into answers (smile). So here goes.
How to Love the Unlovable: Reasons We Don’t Like Certain People
Specific people cause me to not like them. They complain, gossip, don’t bathe regularly, wear a frown instead of a smile, and never listen—all-the-time. People with these characteristics bother me but you probably have your list of faults in others you don’t like. You may even send up prayers like, “Lord, could you send this person to the other side of the street?” or “Please send another harvester who likes them more than I do.”
To be honest (and it sounds unchristian), you want people you aren’t fond of to mind their own business and leave you alone. But what if the person you take exception to is the very one God wants you to reach for Christ? How can you obey God’s call to love others when they’re hard to like? When love doesn’t flow naturally from you to others, it’s easier to avoid people and harder to love them.
How to Love the Unlovable When You Don’t Like Them
Christians get beyond disliking someone because they have hope. Case in point—Jesus didn’t die for sinners because sin’s attractiveness lured Him to them. He chose death to save the unlovable. Jesus had a wonderful life in heaven but came to earth to die a brutal death. Amidst the chants of “Crucify Him”, He called those unlikable people, His beloved.
You might think. “That was Jesus. I don’t possess that degree of love.” That may be true but you did inherit God’s love for others when you made Jesus your Lord and Savior. Throughout our Christian journeys on earth, we cultivate love spiritually when we fail naturally.
Plus, Jesus commanded you and me to love others. He didn’t say anything about liking them first.
John 13:34
A new command I give you: Love one another. As I have loved you, so you must love one another.
How do you go about doing that, obeying Jesus when both unbelievers and saints are difficult to love?
Take These Steps to Love the Unlovable
- Find something to like about unlikeable people: Don’t wait for someone to clean up their act before extending love to them. Sometimes people’s deeds are repulsive and get in our way. With so many people seemingly undeserving of love, check that thought at the door. None of us deserve God’s unfailing and unending love. You may need to look hard for someone’s positive attributes but they’re there. Look beyond the surface to find them.
- Stoop down and scoop up humility: Jesus washed Judas’ feet knowing he would betray Him (John 13). Jesus knew of the mistreatment to follow but as an example, he washed the disciples’ feet and told them to do the same. He also said, “a slave is not greater than his master.”
- Be sincere when interceding for others: Moses interceded for people who no one else would give the time of day. The Israelites drove him to the edge with their grumbling. What did he do when Aaron and the Israelites made a golden calf and worshipped it? He fasted for them. Moses must have worked overtime to keep his heart soft and pliable to remain compassionate and kind.
- Be honest with yourself: In all likelihood, you’re someone’s difficult person. Other people see our shortcomings and we could be their thorn in the flesh. Just like you, they may work on loving others as Christ loves the church.
- Seek God to teach you how to love others: When you don’t have the first clue how to love someone else, ask God. When you surrender a person to Him, you acknowledge that God knows more than you. Wait for Him to tell you exactly how to love someone else. He knows them inside and out. Simply confess you don’t know how to love someone and the Holy Spirit will show you the next steps to take.
And don’t forget these steps . . .
- Meditate on God’s love for you: Knowing how much God loves YOU is key to understanding how to love others. You can walk in freedom because God sent Jesus to die for sins you committed (called the Great Exchange). Never forget LOVE (Life Offered Victory Exchanged) – God just dropped that acronym into my heart)!
- Depend on the Holy Spirit: Everything God requires of Christians can only be accomplished through the Holy Spirit. Thinking your strength is enough always leads to failure. Every time you lean on the Holy Spirit, you’ll be amazed at the results.
Loving the Unlovable: A Few More Thoughts
Jesus shortlisted what’s important in life; namely, to love God and others. When you nail those commands, everything else falls into place. Expect to fail but remember to keep trying and do things differently. Love the overbearing and cranky boss, give more attention to someone who drives you crazy, and dole out more love to a co-worker who cusses like a sailor.
Moreover, if you could put loving and liking someone side by side in a Petri dish and dissect them, you’d see a glaring truth. When you like someone, you admire certain traits. Conversely, you love someone despite everything that seems off.
Remember, your faults and flaws look just as big as the ones you see in others. That’s when God steps in and mixes grace with love in our hearts so we don’t forget that we’re all a work in progress.