How Christians Rebuild Trust After Betrayals
How Christians rebuild trust is not the same as how unbelievers do.
Still, to be honest, the words “rebuild trust” grind away at your broken heart as your head contemplates your next steps. Unforgiveness, mistrust, and wobbly legs walk in a blind fog toward restoration.
Do you settle the score or surrender betrayals of trust to God? Obviously, He’s your true helper, but what if your flesh has other ideas?
Most betrayals involve feelings of anger, shock, and disappointment leaving shattered remnants of hope. You’ve endured a Judas kiss that broke you from the inside out. Your protection shield is up.
Now, actions speak louder than words you no longer believe. Before your heart opens up and loves again, the warmth of God’s healing must flow over your pain.
God won’t let one shed tear go to waste. He shines His light of mercy, love, and grace when dealing with betrayal to rebuild broken places. Can you believe that from your current state of sorrow, you’ll become better than before? Until that happens, where do you turn for relief?
How Christians Rebuild Trust Biblically
Christians don’t yield to misplaced trust. Does that surprise you?
Your genuine, trusting relationship went to pieces when the crescendo of betrayals caused you to—no longer care. That’s dangerous territory. As you wait for someone to wrap their arms around you and ease the pain in your ripped heart, meditate on these scriptures.
Psalms 118:8 – [It is] better to trust in the LORD than to put confidence in man.
Jeremiah 17:5 – Thus saith the LORD; Cursed [be] the man that trusteth in man, and maketh flesh his arm, and whose heart departeth from the LORD.
Romans 13:8 – Owe no man anything, but to love one another: for he that loveth another hath fulfilled the law.
Proverbs 3:5-6 – Trust in the LORD with all thine heart, and lean not unto thine own understanding.
What? You placed your trust in people and not the Creator. Please don’t misunderstand my intentions. My heart breaks for your gut-wrenching pain. Yet, I can’t leave you half dead on the roadside with open wounds like the priest and Levite did in Luke 10. You need a good Samaritan to pour on the anointing oil and revive your spirit.
Psalm 61:2 From the end of the earth I will cry to You, when my heart is overwhelmed; lead me to the rock that is higher than I.
Together, we weep in the shadows alongside feelings of fear, denial, abandonment and a racing heart. God gathers the shattered shards of your heart and creates a collage masterpiece from the ruins. Give your scars to Him and the flaws of the betrayer. Ask Him to seal the cracks in your spirit.
How Christians Rebuild Trust
They don’t let their hearts be the scoundrel in charge. You probably already knew that because you’re familiar with these scriptures.
Jeremiah 17:9 – The heart is deceitful above all things and beyond cure. Who can understand it?
Proverbs 6:14 – Who with perversity in his heart continually devises evil, Who spreads strife.
Proverbs 26:23-24 – Like a coating of silver dross on earthenware are fervent lips with an evil heart. Enemies disguise themselves with their lips, but in their hearts they harbor deceit.
II Timothy 3:13 – while evildoers and impostors will go from bad to worse, deceiving and being deceived.
Psalm 28:3 – Do not drag me away with the wicked, with those who do evil, who speak cordially with their neighbors but harbor malice in their hearts.
Granted someone tossed you aside like a piece of crumpled paper, but your own heart may not be lily-white. Do you devise schemes of retaliation? Have you developed a critical spirit, focused on the betrayer’s sin, or dishonored God with your behavior? Do you have a nagging feeling that being quick to forgive means the other person goes scot-free?
When rebuilding trust in a relationship, many times you grieve the loss of a person, still alive. You’re normally unable to make sense of your emotions. Just know, Christians should never look to their hearts for answers.
Your heart lies to you. You think about your virtues and everyone else’s cruel deeds. Your heart is a rogue sheep foraging for greener grass.
Instead of following your heart, you depend on your internal compass—Jesus your Shepherd and The Holy Spirit, your Guide. Unfortunately, you must also deal with your deceitful flesh.
How Christians Rebuild Trust
They don’t let their flesh overtake their spirit.
As soon your feet hit the floor, sinful flesh is ready to overcome your spirit. Controlling your flesh is like playing Whac-A-Mole. You smack down the ugly head of pride and up pops a lying tongue.
Trust issues may cause you to expect a betrayer to pop up like arcade game moles emerging from their holes. Thankfully, there’s a remedy to tame the flesh.
For those who are living according to the flesh set their minds on the things of the flesh [which gratify the body], but those who are living according to the Spirit, [set their minds on] the things of the Spirit [His will and purpose]. 6 Now the mind of the flesh is death [both now and forever—because it pursues sin]; but the mind of the Spirit is life and peace [the spiritual well-being that comes from walking with God—both now and forever]; 7 the mind of the flesh [with its sinful pursuits] is actively hostile to God. It does not submit itself to God’s law, since it cannot, 8 and those who are in the flesh [living a life that caters to sinful appetites and impulses] cannot please God (Romans 8:5-8).
Watch a mama cat carry her kittens in her mouth and you know how to overcome the flesh. If you could grab your mind by the scruff, you’d take charge of its sinful nature. You can. Immerse your spirit with scripture and you’ll crucify fleshly passions and evil thoughts.
For the sinful nature has its desire which is opposed to the Spirit, and the [desire of the] Spirit opposes the sinful nature; for these [two, the sinful nature and the Spirit] are in direct opposition to each other [continually in conflict], so that you [as believers] do not [always] do whatever [good things] you want to do (Galatians 5:17)
Learn how to rebuild broken trust, by capturing evil thoughts that prevent healing. It’s no secret that humans think about how they can sin. The flesh doesn’t live your Christian life. Suppress the flesh, keep the mind connected to your spirit, and you’ll begin to heal from brokenness.
Final Thoughts About How to Rebuild Broken Trust
In learning how to rebuild trust, betrayers earn trust whereas grace anchors forgiveness. You don’t depend on forgiveness to restore trust, but your offering of mercy keeps grudges from poisoning your spirit. Rebuilding trust doesn’t always mean restoration. In some instances, you cut ties with people who simply aren’t trustworthy.
Pray a hedge of protection around your heart. You do so—not to close yourself off from people—but to keep God’s love for them and your trust in Him intact. You may not understand how God heals, but trust the rock who is higher. He knows how to put you back together.