Christian Men Struggle with Porn
It’s true. Christian men struggle with porn addiction. Specifically, they hide their secret. No one knows, but them—and God.
As a Christian man, that’s the problem. He sees what you do. By denying pornography isn’t a big deal, you reject the God of your heart, your first love.
You use porn like any controlled substance acquired at the pharmacy to feel better. Except, you can’t control what it does to you spiritually. The habit grinds away at your Christian beliefs, changes you from the inside out, and brings spiritual death to anyone in its path. Sadly, your addiction hurts—your spouse, children, and those you love. I’ll show how watching porn wrecks lives later.
Porn addiction runs rampant among Christians. Charisma News reports results from a 2014 survey of 388 men. You’ll be shocked. More than 70 percent of Christian men view pornography monthly. Other surveys confirm this percentage with Christian women averaging 20 percent as regular watchers. Pastors also succumb to this deadly habit. At least 35% of Christian men had an affair (see my book Cheating Spouse Help Book for Christian Men: To Stop Cheating on Her).
So, yes Christians watch porn? It’s an epic problem on a worldwide scale.
With 2.3 billion Christians worldwide, it’s possible there are roughly 1 billion Christian porn watchers globally (70 percent plus 20 percent divided by 2 equals 45 percent of Christians, on average, indulge in this sin).
What does that mean for church-going Christians? One or more porn addicts could sit near, or beside you at church. The church sleeps through this epidemic problem as spiritual death reigns.
Christian men struggle with porn and run from the safe arms of God
When engaged in this sin, you see women or men as objects to entertain your lust. The addiction steals money from your family budget for videos, chat rooms, TV and other media usages. Your “contribution” funds the multi-billion dollar porn industry.
To understand porn addiction’s side effects, download the free eBook “Your Brain on Porn” made available through CovenantEyes. In the meantime, review a synopsis of that writing.
- Sexual stimulation release a chemical called dopamine. One of its many functions is to help us remember where to get a fix for our natural drives such as eating and sex. In a marital relationship, that chemical helps couples experience intimacy in a loving atmosphere. With pornography, dopamine does something different. When a person continually watches porn, the overload of dopamine desensitizes the brain to pleasure. Life becomes less satisfying so the porn user ratchets up to hard-core pornography.
- As the body becomes over-sensitized to lust, sexual cues are everywhere. Porn watching becomes an “all-consuming desire.”
- This behavior affects the prefrontal cortex, the decision-making region of the brain. Dopamine receptors overtake a person’s ability to make wise decisions. People overcome by porn addiction can no longer control their emotional urges or willpower. Porn literally changes the brain.
“Neuroscientists call this problem hypofrontality. This person no longer has mastery over his passions, but is a slave to them.”
- For a Christian, the heart becomes hard. “Your Brain on Porn” proves that porn decreases your sex drive, disconnects you from life, and devalues women and men. Furthermore, porn users, once compassionate, become insensitive to cruelty. All they want in life is to watch more porn. The bodies God made in His image become sexual commodities.
- A porn addict’s life becomes meaningless as they choose sin above their relationship with God and people. Porn users gravitate towards death (darkness) instead of life (light) and grow to idolize porn images.
Christian Men Struggle with Porn: The Side Effects
When Christian men struggle with porn addiction, they initiate a downward deadly spiral. Here’s how:
- As we discovered, viewing images of women and men who are strangers to you desensitizes compassion. Children, spouses, and other loved ones become blurs in the hallway or at the kitchen table. Addicts plan their next injection of lust or fix.
- Porn defiles the marriage bed. A person who bonds sexually to another person is cheating on their mate. These fantasies count toward objectifying human beings as idols, not people.
- Betrayal
- Loss of self-esteem, self-worth, devalued as a person
- Anger
- Loss of intimacy and trust
- Broken heart
- Digitally-enhanced women airbrushed to perfection, replace wives. These women didn’t take care of your family or mop floors.
Vicki Tiede lived through the anguish of watching a now-divorced husband engulfed by porn. From that experience, she helps women and family members put their hearts back together. She states porn “grows in the shadows” and contributes to lying, cheating and deception which tears down relationships. Her recommendation below to loved ones is heartfelt (paraphrased):
My prayer is that you focus your eyes on the God of hope rather than base your hope and happiness on a porn addict’s choices. Learning to allow God to meet your greatest needs is a long process. It’s a slow dance through brokenness in the arms of the Almighty. Our God longs to meet you in the center of your pain. He can handle your tears. He knows your anger. Jesus understands the feelings you are experiencing because he was ‘a man of sorrows and acquainted with grief.’
Christian Men Struggle with Porn and Can Overcome Addiction
Roaches scatter when you turn on a light. They prefer darkness and light exposes their hiding places. Revealing an addict’s secret shines a light on the dark recesses of porn to diffuse its power. Healing begins when addiction is uncovered or confessed. Addicts don’t need banishment, like John, to the Island of Patmos. Instead, hope is key to overcoming porn addiction, if you are willing to be free from its death grip.
According to Ephesians 5:8-13, Christians are children of light because Jesus is the light of the world.
For you were once darkness, but now you are light in the Lord. Live as children of light (for the fruit of the light consists in all goodness,righteousness and truth) and find out what pleases the Lord. Have nothing to do with the fruitless deeds of darkness, but rather expose them. It is shameful even to mention what the disobedient do in secret. But everything exposed by the light becomes visible—and everything that is illuminated becomes a light.
Shining the light of The Word onto porn exposes the lies of your nemesis, satan. The first step to healing is seeing pornography as the sin it is and banishing it from your life. You can’t move forward in the healing process until you step away from satan’s deception. Remember his goal is to stop your spiritual growth, keep you bound, and deliver a death blow to your relationships.
More Suggestions on How to Quit Porn Addiction
- God is big enough to extend mercy and grace. The blood of Jesus covers your sins. What God doesn’t cover is your desire to continue sinning.
- Admit you’ve failed, but don’t leave it there. Many times a mate finds out accidentally which starts the ball rolling toward recovery. You can also initiate the conversation and ask for help. Repent and leave the guilt behind to move forward. In most situations, a mate already suspects something is wrong because of your behavioral changes.
- Don’t fall into the trap of self-hatred. Pornography is slimy and scummy, BUT YOU’RE NOT. At some point, you opened the door and let darkness inside your spiritual house. Accept the divine love of your Creator. He’s ready to open His loving arms and embrace you. Depend on God to show you how to stop satan’s lies and constant assaults on your mind.
- Be patient with your progress. You are dismantling an intricately woven plan designed as a stronghold.
- Heal alongside loved ones. Even though they are dealing with issues from the betrayal, healing is quicker when you walk hand-in-hand with your loved ones and work through the pain together.
Christian Men Struggle with Porn: Additional Recommendations
- Put structures in place so you don’t fail. Place porn filters on all your devices: tablets, PCs, smartphones, and laptops. Your spouse or accountable friend is the only one who knows the passwords.
- Install a different browser on your smartphone set up to filter out nudity.
- Your best weapon against any sin is to keep scripture in your eyes and heart so it comes out of your mouth. You stay a step ahead of temptation. Use resources from ministries such as Harvest USA that help individuals with sexual struggles. My book, Cheating Spouse Help Book for Christian Men (see link above) also provides ways to diffuse sexual sin’s power over your spirit.
- Pray daily that God frustrates the enemy’s evil plans (See Nehemiah 4:15), gives you strength to renew your mind, and heals your wounds and those of your loved ones. Thwart the plans of the enemy by walking in holiness, and staying close to God.
God never abandons His children. He is the first one in line to offer restoration. Depend on Him to turn what Satan meant for evil into good and better days ahead.